Doubtful

Today my whole self came to a halt. I was crushed, devastated, irritated, and doubtful. Something that I never wanted to be. We are only human, we can work hard in not feeling that way. It is hard and I am trying my hardest to being happy again. I guess I was just hoping that this special certain someone could be apart of my life. Someone I have had a crush on for sooo long. Maybe him leaving is a sign, saying we are not meant to be. I try not to think about it, but I cannot help to think that, that is the case. I guess I am scared growing up alone. The fear of not being able to share my feelings and soul with the one person that I will spend the rest of my life with and for all eternity. I do not date, I just have never taken stuff like that lightly. I found someone that was right and perfect in my eyes and in my heart. His flaws being adorable and perfect to me. Today was one of the worst days of my life. I cleaned the house, that goes to show how sad I really was. "Was" being the word. I don't want to feel sad forever but sometimes "It is the soul cleansing itself." :-(