Doubtful

Today my whole self came to a halt. I was crushed, devastated, irritated, and doubtful. Something that I never wanted to be. We are only human, we can work hard in not feeling that way. It is hard and I am trying my hardest to being happy again. I guess I was just hoping that this special certain someone could be apart of my life. Someone I have had a crush on for sooo long. Maybe him leaving is a sign, saying we are not meant to be. I try not to think about it, but I cannot help to think that, that is the case. I guess I am scared growing up alone. The fear of not being able to share my feelings and soul with the one person that I will spend the rest of my life with and for all eternity. I do not date, I just have never taken stuff like that lightly. I found someone that was right and perfect in my eyes and in my heart. His flaws being adorable and perfect to me. Today was one of the worst days of my life. I cleaned the house, that goes to show how sad I really was. "Was" being the word. I don't want to feel sad forever but sometimes "It is the soul cleansing itself." :-(

Clearer

For the past week or so things have been crazy. I have not been able to make sense of anything. Last night when Luke and I were talking things started making sense, things that have been puzzling me, the pieces were put together. My future becoming clearer. I want to tell him how I feel, I just hope I don't scare him off. Maybe he has the same feelings for me. Last night when we were laughing I was listening to his laugh, because sometimes people give the same regular oh that's funny but not really laugh. His laugh was cute and adorable, but most of all it was real :-). I was thinking tonight at Institute that a persons flaws make them who they are, then why do people embarrass others about their unique personality and features. Maybe they wish more for themselves, wish for things that they don't have but others do. They get jealous, and tear others down. They forget there purpose and values. Life isn't worth living unless you live it to YOUR fullest, don't try to be something else. I have been making more time to draw. Instead of reading I draw. Reading has changed my mood, not in a good way. I guess I get into the book a little bit to much. Work is fun. I love the atmosphere, and the people that make working at Publix the bomb.

A blush to tell all

I love those moments I get when it feels like butterflies are going crazy all through my body. The feeling I get when I feel so happy. This happy feeling is a crush, a major crush. Everyone is pretty much working with me at Publix to see if Luke likes me. I have always liked Luke since we started working together. My feeling for him have never changed. My feelings for him increase as we hang out and get to know each other. I care alot about him, as I do with others. People say that when they talk about me around him he starts to blush and smile alot. :-D Thumbs up for me! I am so happy with the way things are going. I just want to hug him forever, he is a 6 foot 2 inch teddy bear ha ha!

Meaning and purpose of life

Days have gone by, I am not sure what I am suppose to do. I want to be a Kindergarten teacher, I want to get married in the temple, get a house, a car. Anything that can get me to where I want to go, back to my Heavenly Father. I just want to do something with my life. I am now making, dedicating myself to be more than what I really am. I am tired of being mediocre, tired of being predictable. I know life is hard and I know that making it out in the world, being successful is not going to be easy. I think if we have one chance on Earth, then why waste our chances we have to succeed. most people do not have the chance or the opportunity. Life: 1)Existence in physical world. 2)Living things considered together. 3)Whole time somebody is alive. 4)Biography... Another definition for Life is: Life imprisonment. How sad it is to think that life is a prison, when really prison is a place where criminals are confined: a secure place where somebody is confined as punishment for a crime. Life isn't a prison nor a crime! Life has never been, it only feels like it to some that are depressed and think that they have no say in anything that goes on. It's my time to shine!